


Who Suggested This Again?

by whoviangoesthere



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, RvB Reverse Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 00:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12759855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoviangoesthere/pseuds/whoviangoesthere
Summary: Or: what happens when Donut really likes D&D and somehow gets everyone to play.Part of Reverse Big Bang 2017. Based on art from goodluckdetective, found here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fAHSiIZDrZbwA9ykMUBJywInss3LUHN1/view?usp=sharing





	Who Suggested This Again?

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little story: I signed up for the Reverse Big Bang with high hopes for myself. Unfortunately, life has a way of ruining hopes and dreams for everyone. I initially wished for this to be a sprawling fic with multiple stories. Instead, I have a page of character introductions and two mini-adventures. It's not much, but I owe it to my artist and myself to post what I have. Enjoy, if you can.

Kai had gathered everyone together in the biggest room on the base that they could find. She smiled as she pulled Donut to the head of the table, Donut himself carrying a big cardboard box, which he promptly slammed down with a cheeky grin.  
“Everyone ready?” he asked.  
There was a collective series of groans and affirmations, punctured by Caboose shouting “We get to finally play a game together!”  
“Then let’s get started.” Donut pulled out a stack of paper and started passing them around. “Take your character sheet and please read aloud who you are going to play. And remember: you picked these roles, not me.”  
Grif took the first sheet and cleared his throat.  
“I am a dwarf who’s a paladin to Rati, the sacred god of rest and relaxation.”  
“Why did you let him pick his own god?” Simmons groaned.  
“Hey, I let you be a wizard despite the fuss you’ll make about it,” Donut snapped back. “Now read your character sheet.”  
Simmons glanced down at his paper. “Hi, I’m an elf wizard, and I’m gonna do cool magic tricks as long as they match my level and I have enough spell slots.”  
“Killjoy,” Grif murmured.  
Sarge stood up and shot a look at Simmons.  
“I don’t need none of that pointy eared nonsense in my game,” he stated. “I’m just as human as any of us. You won’t catch me fraternizing with no aliens!”  
“There aren’t any aliens in D&D, Sarge,” Donut gently reminded.  
“I’ll still fight em off! That’s why it says I’m a fighter, cuz I’m gonna shoot em all dead with my shotgun!”  
“There aren’t any shotguns in D&D either.”  
“No shotguns?! Then how am I supposed to kill the Blues – I mean, the aliens?”  
“I think you’ll find you’re equipped with a good amount of other weapons.”  
Sarge peered at his sheet. His eyes widened.  
“A battleaxe? Alright, I can settle for that.”  
Donut turned to Doc, who was shifting awkwardly in between Sarge and Kai.  
“Um, well, I’m an elven cleric, to Eun, one of the gods of mercy and compassion. Because someone has to heal you guys. Why it always ends up being me I have no idea…”  
“Well that’s Red Team,” Donut finished. “How about you, Blue - ”  
“Hey!” Kai protested. “I count as a Red!”  
Donut waved his hand in Kai’s direction. She sat up taller and smirked.  
“I am a glorious Fire Genasi who will wreak havoc with her insane druid powers. Also I can talk to animals – bonus! I can finally flirt with bears like I’ve always wanted!”  
“Wait, what?” Grif said, but Donut was already turning towards Blue team.  
Carolina took the first sheet, and smiled slightly as she read it out loud.  
“I am a half-orc monk.”  
Wash and Tucker both giggled. Carolina shot them a glare.  
“From what I know about monks, they’re pretty skilled in unarmed combat. Want me to test my skills on you two?”  
She flexed her hand into a fist. Wash and Tucker stopped laughing.  
Carolina took another page from the pile and held it up to her shoulder. Epsilon flickered to life and cackled.  
“I cannot believe Kai roped you all in on this! This is gonna be the best thing that’s ever happened to this place!”  
“Church, shut up and read your character,” Tucker snapped.  
“Fine, fine. Buzzkill. Ahem. I am a regular old human gunslinger – thank you to Donut for letting me have that particular category of classes.”  
“Oh, what, Church’s character gets a sniper rifle too?” Tucker laughed. “Why, so he can miss twice as much this time around?”  
“This time, it’s all in the luck of the dice, pal,” Church mused.  
Tucker handed the pile to Wash, who narrowed his eyes at his sheet and smiled.  
“I’m the rogue. Of course I am.”  
“Fuck yes!” Tucker cried. “Please tell me your weapon of choice is a bunch of throwing knives, please.”  
Wash’s smile grew. “What else?” he replied with a raised eyebrow.  
“Ooh, ooh, can I go next?” Caboose jumped up and down. Tucker handed him his character sheet but he didn’t even look at it.  
“I am a ranger, I think,” Caboose recited from memory. “And I am a teddy bear!”  
“The technical term is bugbear,” Donut corrected.  
“You let him play as a bugbear?!” shouted several people at once.  
Tucker rolled his eyes and grabbed the last piece of paper. He grinned and slammed it down on the table.  
“I am the best member of this party. I am a smoking hot half-elf. And I am a - ”  
“Oh god no.” Grif was staring at Tucker in horror.  
“I am a - ”  
“Please don’t let it be true,” Grif whispered.  
“Fuck yes, Tucker!” Kai shouted.  
“I am a BARD!”  
Grif fell back, groaning pitifully, as Kai cheered and clapped.  
“I think that’s everyone,” Donut said as the room calmed down. “Shall we begin?”

***********

Tucker looked Donut dead in the eyes while holding up his dice.  
“Why are you even rolling this?” Donut asked, ignoring Church as he howled with laughter behind Tucker.  
“Because someone,” Tucker threw an extremely pointed look at Sarge, “told me that my music doesn’t matter.”  
“I told you dirty Blue the truth! A glorified musician has an occupation that’s a waste in this beautiful kingdom founded on the ideals of violence and war!”  
“And I want to counter it by proving my worth as the world’s most wondrous bard!” Tucker shouted.  
Donut sighed as Church slowed his laughing, wiping tears from his eyes.  
“Oh, just let him roll it, Donut!” he cried. “It’ll be the best roll we’ve seen this whole session.”  
“I’d make the argument that Grif’s attempts to appease to his paladin’s god by taking a nap was a close second,” Tex smirked.  
“Hey, he’s the god of rest and relaxation for a reason, Tex!” Grif argued.  
“Enough!” Donut yelled, and the whole room went silent. “Tucker, just roll your die.”  
“If it’s a 1, you have to smash your guitar,” Church whispered in Tucker’s ear. Tucker took a deep breath and tossed the die gently around in his palm. He held it out to Kai, who was focusing intently on the die.  
“Wish me good luck?” Tucker schmoozed. Kai winked and blew on the die. Tucker closed his eyes and threw the dice onto the table.  
Donut was the first to see it.  
“Why did you have to crit on that??” he wailed, while everyone around Tucker cheered. “Fine, I guess you have infinite guitars now or something! Are you happy now, Tucker?”  
Through the ruckus around him, Tucker focused on Sarge, who was looking sheepish.  
“Wanna take that comment back, Mr. I-just-insulted-the-world’s-best-bard?”  
“You’re still a dirty blue,” Sarge muttered, but he cracked a smile.

**************

“Look all I’m saying is infiltrating a fortress with two captives in tow is not very stealthy,” Wash whined. “Let me be a good rogue for once guys, come on.”  
“You were never a good rogue, Wash,” Carolina smirked. “The first step to acceptance is admitting the truth.”  
“When the hell was I a bad rogue? I’m sneaky!”  
Donut stifled a giggle. “If I recall, your last stealth roll ended up with you in a bit of a pickle.”  
“Because you wouldn’t let me count the trees as cover!”  
“It was a bonsai tree!”  
“Whatever, I’m just saying, we can’t go delving in without figuring out our current situation.”  
There was a pause. Kai raised her hand.  
“No,” Carolina said.  
“You didn’t even let me - ”  
“For the last time, your panther is not a pet, he is a familiar.”  
“I’m just saying that if we tied them to the panther and left them out in the woods, we could - ”  
“Familiars still get hungry.”  
“I’ll order him not to eat them. Both of us are familiar with what happens when we disobey orders, right Wash?”  
Kai winked at Wash while Carolina stared between them, dumbfounded.  
“Wait, what?” she spluttered, while Donut cackled with glee as Wash blushed bright red.  
“We’re taking the prisoners with us,” Wash muttered, trying to hide his face.  
Kai pouted as Donut said “Roll for stealth with disadvantage.”  
Wash rolled a one.


End file.
